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AGING IN PLACE: Giving away the house – a quick dive into poverty

For many seniors the biggest fear, and it is a legitimate cause for anxiety, is the prospect of moving into long-term care – away from their home, their routine, their neighbours, all that they know and cherish.
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Having your children move back home is one thing, but it is not advisable to transfer your house to them and co-habitate. It is not likely to be a workable arrangement, and then what? ADOBE STOCK IMAGE

For many seniors the biggest fear, and it is a legitimate cause for anxiety, is the prospect of moving into long-term care – away from their home, their routine, their neighbours, all that they know and cherish.

But old age in one’s own home can be even more frightening, when one is abused by one’s own children.

Sometimes it is the insensitive son (or daughter), who moves home and is noisy or uncaring about the fragility of their parent. The house is no longer home – it is a place where the parent feels like a prisoner.

In some situations, the abuse runs deeper. Lanalee is a 58-year-old woman who has three children and an ex-husband. Hers was an arranged marriage and it ended abruptly at the husband’s “command,” when the mortgage was paid off.

“Time for you to leave and go back to Trinidad.”

She did not, preferring to raise her son close to his birth father and to have an active role in raising her daughters.

The divorce netted Lanalee enough money to put a down payment on a house, where she still lives. Her son and his girlfriend live in a suite in the basement. Which, even with the tension between them, could be workable. Except for the fact that she had transferred the house to her son to enable him to have some collateral to get a loan.

Unfortunately, unbeknownst to her, he borrowed and borrowed against the home equity, and failed to pay the mortgage. The house is now under a foreclosure order, and Lanalee, whose only capital from the divorce went into this home, will be forced to find a suite to rent with her very limited income (although easier in Alberta where she lives, with rents for two-bedroom apartments running about $1,000 a month, rather than the $1,400, one might expect in the Comox Valley for a one bedroom). The good news is Lanalee has a loving man friend who has a little girl who loves to see her as mom and while there are no plans for a marriage, this relationship is the silver lining in the dark clouds of her life.

I heard about a situation 10 years ago in which a senior woman transferred her home to her daughter who was going to “make the mortgage payments.” It also ended in frayed nerves and almost the loss of a capital investment (although fortunately in that situation the sale was reversed).

No matter how much you love your kids, do not decide alone to transfer your house to them and co-habitate. It is not likely to be a workable arrangement, and then what?

I asked Lanalee what advice she would give to other seniors to help them avoid her situation.

“You have to be very careful.”

“Get it all down in writing, and keep a copy of your agreement.”

“If I had it to do over I would not trust my children to move in with me.”

“Don’t buy into everything they say.”

“Talk to people – other people and get their opinion before you get into something like this.”

All of this seems like very good advice. I would add, “Even though you love your adult children, think very carefully before having them move into your home, and get friends’ advice and legal advice before signing over your house to them. It would be a rare situation where this could work, and even if you decide you want to go ahead with the transfer get all the details in a legally binding written agreement that will protect your interests.

Jennifer Pass is the co-ordinator of Comox Valley Elders Take Action (ETA)

ALSO: Seniors can easily become victims of rental housing crisis