Commen-Terry: TransLink needs a CEO? Pick me!

My plan to save Vancouver's transit system nearly $200K

Dear TransLink,

Please accept the following letter as my application for position of Chief Executive Officer – Goods Production, Utilities, Transportation And Construction for the South Coast British Columbia Transportation Authority.

I am confident that I meet all the qualifications, including the ability to work “closely with partners in the three levels of government, the public/private sector and the general public.”

I also promise to “articulate and promote the vision of a transportation future where people and goods move in a way that promotes a healthy economy, environment and quality of life for generations to come.”

As a managing editor of a community newspaper, I have experience in leading a team of professionals, in a deadline-driven environment.

I do lack experience in the transportation industry, but based on the minimum requirement of a bachelor’s degree in no specified field, clearly that’s not a deal breaker.

As a former sports editor, I have an uncanny ability to spin. I can turn an eighth-place finish at an eight-team hockey tournament into a championship season. There are many parents in B.C. and Alberta who can attest that my “excellent communications and media relations skills” give me the ability of “shaping public opinion and rallying support.”

Facing the media every Tuesday and Thursday as the Skytrain collapses would not be an issue. I can smile and wave as well as the next guy.

Here’s the greatest part for you: I can save you money. Lots of money.

Well, at least lots of money when presented to the other 99 per cent.

Your $320,000 salary? I will do it for $250,000 a year.

Boom. A $70,000 savings right there. You can hire another driver! (Or two part-time drivers.)

The 30 per cent bonus at the end of every year? Take it back. Bam! Another $100,000 to help meet budget.

I can not even comprehend the necessity of an “annual wellness allowance” on top of a quarter-of-a-million-dollar salary, so you can have that $2,500 back too.

I will have to maintain the $14,400 annual transportation allowance, so that I can continue to reside in the Comox Valley and just fly in and out of Vancouver. (I do appreciate that option.) On the plus-side, I won’t charge you $20,000 in relocation assistance, so the company still comes out ahead.

I will also forgo the $1,200 annual parking allowance. I hear bus service from the airport to your office in New Westminster is already pretty good. If it doesn’t meet my requirements, I will simply make that improvement a priority.

That all works out to, give or take a tax-deductible food bank donation, approximately $180,000 in savings already – and I haven’t even signed the contract yet!

The application notice lists the starting date as “as soon as possible” after the Nov. 19 closing date.

Is Nov. 20 soon enough? I’d prefer to give my current employer a couple of weeks’ notice, but for this kind of salary increase, I can burn that bridge when I get to it.

You may think of this as a joke, but remember… a certain Vancouver daily newspaper once felt the same way about a response for a reporter’s job, and dismissed Hunter S. Thompson’s application.

I eagerly await your response.

Sincerely,

Terry A. Farrell

 

 

Terry Farrell is the editor of the Comox Valley Record … for now

 

Just Posted

‘LNG, Fracking and the Comox Valley Connection’ – public forum in Courtenay

Wednesday, Feb. 27, 7 p.m. at the Florence Filberg Centre

UPDATE: Police determine no emergency in Friday’s mystery radio appeal for help

Police had asked for help following mysterious signals from somewhere between Comox and Sayward

Comox Valley child gets dream vacation from Make-A-Wish Foundation

Elliot Hunter went to Disneyland and met Lightning McQueen

UPDATED: Two vehicles seen leaving bloody scene of Courtenay shooting

32-year-old victim in stable condition and known to police

Courtenay to host the BC Regionals FireFit Championships

‘Toughest two minutes in sports’ coming to the Comox Valley

Indigenous leaders, politicians say Trans Mountain report flawed

The National Energy Board has endorsed an expansion of the Trans Mountain pipeline a second time

Have you heard the legend of Shuswaggi, the Shuswap Lake monster?

Witness accounts as old as 1904, and as recent as 2018, place a creature in the lake’s depths

Credit card fraud steals $50,000 from Victoria businesses: police

Crime Reduction Unit investigating several frauds costing several businesses over $50,000

UPDATE: B.C. ticket holder winner of $25.9-million Lotto Max jackpot

Next draw set for Mar. 1 with an estimated jackpot of $10 million

B.C.-based ‘Team Tardi’ brings home gold in junior curling worlds

In a 9-4 victory over Switzerland, a Langley-based curling team earned its 2nd straight world title

People gather for funeral of seven children killed in fast-moving Halifax fire

Traditional portion of the service will be followed by words from community members

B.C. weavers to help Alaska Native project honouring survivors of violence

Dozens of Chilkat and Ravenstail weavers from all over North America will be weaving 5-inch-by-5-inch squares

Towhees advance to 3A final, B.C. tourney

Ice still in hunt for coveted third spot

B.C. skip Sarah Wark and team eliminated at Scotties Tournament of Hearts

Nontheless pretty impressive stuff from the 24th-ranked team in the country

Most Read