Commen-Terry: TransLink needs a CEO? Pick me!

My plan to save Vancouver's transit system nearly $200K

Dear TransLink,

Please accept the following letter as my application for position of Chief Executive Officer – Goods Production, Utilities, Transportation And Construction for the South Coast British Columbia Transportation Authority.

I am confident that I meet all the qualifications, including the ability to work “closely with partners in the three levels of government, the public/private sector and the general public.”

I also promise to “articulate and promote the vision of a transportation future where people and goods move in a way that promotes a healthy economy, environment and quality of life for generations to come.”

As a managing editor of a community newspaper, I have experience in leading a team of professionals, in a deadline-driven environment.

I do lack experience in the transportation industry, but based on the minimum requirement of a bachelor’s degree in no specified field, clearly that’s not a deal breaker.

As a former sports editor, I have an uncanny ability to spin. I can turn an eighth-place finish at an eight-team hockey tournament into a championship season. There are many parents in B.C. and Alberta who can attest that my “excellent communications and media relations skills” give me the ability of “shaping public opinion and rallying support.”

Facing the media every Tuesday and Thursday as the Skytrain collapses would not be an issue. I can smile and wave as well as the next guy.

Here’s the greatest part for you: I can save you money. Lots of money.

Well, at least lots of money when presented to the other 99 per cent.

Your $320,000 salary? I will do it for $250,000 a year.

Boom. A $70,000 savings right there. You can hire another driver! (Or two part-time drivers.)

The 30 per cent bonus at the end of every year? Take it back. Bam! Another $100,000 to help meet budget.

I can not even comprehend the necessity of an “annual wellness allowance” on top of a quarter-of-a-million-dollar salary, so you can have that $2,500 back too.

I will have to maintain the $14,400 annual transportation allowance, so that I can continue to reside in the Comox Valley and just fly in and out of Vancouver. (I do appreciate that option.) On the plus-side, I won’t charge you $20,000 in relocation assistance, so the company still comes out ahead.

I will also forgo the $1,200 annual parking allowance. I hear bus service from the airport to your office in New Westminster is already pretty good. If it doesn’t meet my requirements, I will simply make that improvement a priority.

That all works out to, give or take a tax-deductible food bank donation, approximately $180,000 in savings already – and I haven’t even signed the contract yet!

The application notice lists the starting date as “as soon as possible” after the Nov. 19 closing date.

Is Nov. 20 soon enough? I’d prefer to give my current employer a couple of weeks’ notice, but for this kind of salary increase, I can burn that bridge when I get to it.

You may think of this as a joke, but remember… a certain Vancouver daily newspaper once felt the same way about a response for a reporter’s job, and dismissed Hunter S. Thompson’s application.

I eagerly await your response.

Sincerely,

Terry A. Farrell

 

 

Terry Farrell is the editor of the Comox Valley Record … for now

 

Just Posted

Kingfisher Oceanside Resort & Spa wins prestigious award

The annual Tourism Vancouver Island Gala Dinner and Awards Ceremony was held… Continue reading

Workplace weed: what is allowed with cannabis legalization

Can you smoke a joint and then go to work starting Wednesday?… Continue reading

Mount Washington maintains smoke-free policy in light of marijuana legalization

The policy bans all smoking, including cigarettes, vaporizers and marijuana

Printmakers association and fair in Cumberland

The Comox Valley Printmakers Association is holding a members’ exhibition and print… Continue reading

Cumberland mayoral debate announced prematurely; Leslie Baird declines invitation

Eduardo Uranga hoped to hold the debate Wednesday evening

Legal pot price must be ‘competitive’ with black market: Blair

Bill Blair shared final words on journey to legalization ahead of official day Wednesday

Mayor of Kamloops says ‘history has been made’ with vote on B.C.’s lone pot shop

The store to be run by the province in B.C.’s Interior is opening Wednesday as pot sales become legal across Canada

New bus route to ‘replace’ Greyhound along Trans-Canada Highway

Rider Express Transportation says they will soon begin a bus service from Winnipeg to Vancouver

U.S. pot firm urges Trump to deny Canadian producers ‘competitive advantage’

The challenge for U.S. firms lies in the fact that while recreational cannabis is legal in nine states and medicinal pot in 22 others, it remains illegal under federal law

Government says imprisoned Canadian terror suspects must face consequences

Public Safety Minister Ralph Goodale showed little sympathy Tuesday for such individuals who now want to return to Canada

How rules for inmate segregation in Canada will change under Bill C-83

Federal government proposing changes to rules around inmates in federal correctional institutions

Comox Valley RCMP briefs and warrants

Drug Trafficking On Oct. 3, 2018, at approximately 2:40 p.m., the Comox… Continue reading

Visit the living library at the Cumberland museum

Herstory features Leslie Baird, Oct. 25

Courtenay’s Dingwall Road to be temporarily closed for construction

Next week, the intersection of Dingwall Road and McQuillan Road will be… Continue reading

Most Read