I feel like I have come to the end of my rope and I need some advice. I am a person who really likes to get in there and help out. It is important to me to be involved, and I hate saying no to good projects.
Lately though, I am finding myself feeling angry when other people ask for something, and I really don't like some of the thoughts that are going through my head. I am also having trouble sleeping and I feel tired and scattered during the day.
I don't like feeling angry at people and I don't like what is happening to me. I have been to my doctor who thinks I am stressed, and she is probably right, but I just don't know how to turn it around and still feel good about myself.
You have already done something very important in that you have recognized the connection between stress and how you are thinking and feeling. I think it is also great that you value yourself and your commitment to being a person who is involved and helpful in their community.
Your next step is finding ways to create a little more balance in your life so that you can continue to act in the ways that lead to feeling good about yourself.
People are much like batteries. We can discharge or use up our energy as long as we are also recharging. We run into trouble when the discharging exceeds the recharging over a period of time.
After awhile the battery runs flat and the car (and us) simply will not go anymore. Your letter is an indication that your battery is running low.
When batteries are running low we need to do two things. We need to find ways to recharge ourselves by including more time and activities that are relaxing and that ultimately give us more energy. We also need to consider the discharging process and be realistic about how much energy we can put out. This, of course, requires us to be able to say no when we are already at our maximum output.
It might be helpful for you right now to make up a balance sheet with two columns entitled "energy in" and "energy out." Then list all the things in your life that you think fit into one of these two columns.
I suspect that if you do this exercise you will see that there is quite an imbalance. From this exercise you might consider things that could be added to or subtracted from the columns that would make the sheet look more even.
While each person is unique in terms of what energizes them, some activities that are often found to be relaxing and rejuvenating include various forms of exercise, yoga or tai chi, music or reading, and time spent with good friends. Limiting the output of energy often means developing skills in setting priorities, delegating, and saying no.
I hope you find ways to create more balance in your life so that you can go forward with a fully charged battery!
If you would like to ask a question of the counsellors, for a response in future columns, e-mail them at askpacific@shaw.ca. Consult a Counsellor is provided by the registered clinical counsellors at Pacific Therapy & Consulting: Nancy Bock, Diane Davies, Leslie Wells and Andrew Lochhead. It appears every second Friday.